For The Most Terrifying Dining Experience, It's Banyans!

If shrimp could talk, this one would say "Get me the HELL out of here!!!

Last night my girlfriend and I decided to go out to dinner. We like to think of ourselves as being somewhat "adventurous" and I mentioned going to a restaurant called "Banyans" as we had a coupon that basically gave us a free entree with the purchase of one. B. is really into using coupons so my suggestion appealed to her sense of fiscal responsibility. So we went. The smells emanating from the restaurant were delightful. Who would have known that we were about to embark on one of the most unusual dining experiences I've ever witnessed.

I should have known something was wrong when we entered the restaurant. As we were seated, we could hear wailing down a long hallway which ended up being a horrible karaoke version of Tina Turner's "What's Love Got To Do With It". That alone was enough to sour even the most iron-clad stomach. The waitress was friendly but had dark circles under her eyes. Something was amiss here. We scanned the menus and I decided on a traditional prime rib dinner. My girlfriend ordered a dish described as "pasta and shrimp with a creamy basil sauce seasoned with garlic and cajun spices". Sounds good. The whole menu sounded appealing, actually.

The meal arrived after we had ravaged the salad bar, which featured an exceptional mix of non-typical salad bar greens -- spinach, romaine lettuce and arugula. My prime rib looked terrific and smelled wonderful. The plate was sprinkled with parsley trimmings, giving it a nice final touch. I looked up at my girlfriend to see how she had fared and saw a look of bewilderment and horror. I stared at her plate and was shocked to see a bright green bowl of food with one shrimp tail sticking out as if it was trying to reach the side of the bowl. She reluctantly tasted the dish and immediately said "You have to try this." and I did. This brightly colored meal had an opposite taste. Actually, it had no taste at all. No garlic, no cajun seasoning, nothing. It was so bland it was creepy. The waitress, who was pretty attentive, noticed my girlfriend's distress and asked if she wanted another dish, to which she replied "yes". B is a very sweet girl and actually felt guilty for sending back the food-like substance. She ordered some sort of fish creation and the waitress briskly walked the plate back to the kitchen.

We were located near the entrance to the kitchen, so before we received our meal we could hear the sounds of busy cooking. As soon as the waitress disappeared into the food prep area (which was not visible to us), a loud male voice began shouting a stream of obscenities -- fuck this or that, son of a bitch, etc. -- it was very hard to make out anything other than the profanity due to the echoes in the area. B and I stared at each other and came to the non-verbal conclusion that she should probably not eat from a cook that might have the same disregard for health codes as he would for workplace propriety.

I motioned the waitress over and told her calmly ,"We just put in that fish order but considering that we heard a flood of profanity come from the kitchen the same time we sent back a meal, I don't think I feel comfortable having my girlfriend eat something that cook is preparing. We're done here." She was completely understanding and mentioned that the cook would probably not be working there much longer. We left quickly so as not to incur any more of the cook's wrath.