Mass Emails Can Cause Impotence, Halitosis and Jock Itch

I just got another one of those silly surveys that people send out so that they can quiz their friends and get positive joy-joy warm fuzzies back from them. I play by my own set of rules. Here's my response to questions that are supposed to refer to the sender.

SURVEY WITH A TWIST - YOU fill in the blanks about ME and send it back to ME, but FIRST, send a BLANK one to all your friends, including ME, so they can return the favor to YOU. BE HONEST! They're really cool to get back, you might find something you missed before. First, send this survey to EVERYONE you know to see how well they know you... Second, fill this survey out about THE PERSON THAT SENT IT TO YOU and SEND BACK TO THEM.

1. My name: Frogbrother

2. Where did we meet?: In the alley, behind Taco Bell

3. Take a stab at my middle name: Liz "Stab" Lastnamestein.

4. How long have you known me?: Since we met in the alley

5. When is the last time we saw each other?: At the Gucci outlet store.

6. Do I smoke?: She better NOT!!!

7. Do I believe in God?: You believe in Dog.

8. When you first saw me what was your impression?: I did an amazing impression of Willie Ames, from Charles in Charles.

9. My age?: 78. Liz sleeps in a special oxygen-rich chamber at night and that keeps her skin youthful and radiant!

10. Birthday?: July 4, 1776.

11. Color hair?: Brown.

12. Color eyes?: Brown.

13. Do I have any siblings! ?: Yes. She has twelve sisters.

14. Where did I grow up?: On the tough streets of Detroit.

15. Have you ever been mad at me?: Mad, no. Disappointed, yes.

16. What's one of my favorite things to do outdoors?: You love to rob old ladies and steal their social security checks.

17. What's one of my favorite things to do indoors?: Dance at the "Pretty Pony" for fives and tens.

18. Do you remember one of the first things I said to you?: Have you seen my baseball?

19. What's my favorite type of music?: Salsa.

20. What is the best characteristic about me?: You think I'm funny.

21. Am I shy or outgoing??: Quit hiding under your desk.

22. Would you say I am funny ha ha or funny sarcastic?: Funny ya ya sisterhood.

23. Am I a rebel or do I follow all the rules?: You tend to follow the rebels.

24. Would you consider me a friend, an acquaintance or a good friend?: Friend, on the cusp of good friend.

25. Would you call me preppy, slutty, average, sporty, punk, hippie,glam,nerdy, snobby, or something else?: Glam, nerdy punk.

26. Have you ever seen me cry?: I've never NOT seen you cry.

27. If there were one good nickname for me what would it be?: "Little Miss Glam, Nerdy Punk Cry Head". Or "Spanky". Either one.

28. If I had broccoli stuck i! n my teeth would you tell me? I'd probably make a nice cheese sauce to go with it.

29. What is the first memory that comes to mind of you and me? That time when you and I were drinking "International Foods" coffee on the French Riviera and we both exclaimed "Jean Luc!" at the same time! Or was that a commercial I saw. Hmm... Oh! I know! It was the time when I took my badge and slammed it on the captain's desk, looked him in the eye and said "I'm taking out Santiago WITH OR WITHOUT your help!" and he said "I'll have your ASS for this?!!". Of course, you wryly replied "If he doesn't get it shot off, I'm sure he won't mind at all." You were always a great partner and normally I would have cracked a smile at this but I was singularly focused on Santiago, the drug kingpin responsible for killing my family.