Guinness Beer Protects Against Heart Attacks, Make Me More Attractive

Mmmm... vitamins...

Guinness, the thickest beer I've ever tasted, has been shown by the Courier Press, to contain antioxidants and has the medicinal properties to combat impotence, blindness and heart attacks. It also gives me super bravery and the ability to dance extremely well, regardless of whether there is music playing.