John Kerry Begins 'Al Gore' Downward Slide Towards Insanity

Thanks, Broken News!:

Boston – As the Kerry team of lawyers, accountants, zookeepers and 'thugs' head to Ohio on a wing and a prayer, John Kerry turns his back to reality.

Kerry's running-mate John Edwards says this election is too close to be decided by uneducated and incompetent citizens and should be left to the wise and fair federal courts. "We feel this election is no more than a few lawsuits away from a Democratic victory."

Kerry has yet to comment, but members of his staff say he is taking his popular vote loss with "baby steps".

"He has already proclaimed a win in Kerrystan." Says campaign advisor Bill Stanley. "He started his morning with a speech to the 20 or so campaign workers in his home. Claiming each one a citizen of Kerrystan. Then continued to claim a victory is each surrounding location. Kerry announced with great enthusiasm wins in Hallwayton, Elevatoropolis and Downstairslobbyville."

Election officials compare this win to the Al Gore decision in 2000 as the ex-vice president announced a landslide victory in Goratopia.

Kerry plans on taking his newly created army of Kerrystanians and deploying troops to 'Starbucks' located down the street from Kerrystan.

"Kerry insists this not a war about coffee." Says Stanley. "Kerry feels his local Starbucks is an evil regime that cast a definite cloud over the safety and well being of his newly developed country."